So, as the hours ticked by, and he responded to her happy chatter, he found himself thinking only a little of Katherine. Odette didn’t wish him to call on her, but in a couple of days when Odette could be wholly reassured of his affections, Jack intended to broach the subject of a visit, once again. Regardless of Odette’s feelings, he wanted to see how Katherine did these days.
If nothing else, he owed a pilgrimage to honour the intense flame that, nevertheless, had burned itself out—certainly in her heart—the moment he’d left the country.
Chapter 16
Katherine heard the clock strike five o’ clock. In four hours she would go out.
Furtively, she took in her reflection in the long, wide mirror above the mantelpiece as she attempted a confident sashay from the wall to the window.
It was hard to appear confident when she no longer had a roof over her head. Freddy’s death seven months ago from a sudden fever had seen the creditors take everything that wasn’t nailed to the floor. The ancestral home, which had not been entailed, had long since been sold.
Still, living under her aunt and uncle’s roof in London as a scandal-ridden impecunious widow, was preferable to existing in a hovel never sure of what mood her husband would be in when he woke up.
Which, fortunately, had not generally coincided with her waking hours; she’d made sure of that.
At the sound of footsteps in the passage, she nervously patted her ringlets and tugged at her décolletage before sinking demurely onto the gold chintz sofa. She would weather the inevitable altercation with dignity, she told herself, as she clenched her hands into fists while feigning a pleasant smile to greet the arrivals the moment they walked through the door.
The reaction was no less scandalised than she’d expected.
“Katherine! You’re not going out wearing crimson when you should be in mourning and eschewing worldly delights for at least another four months, darling,” her mother admonished her, sweeping across the room and facing her squarely.
“It’s deep rose, not crimson.” Katherine had been practising an easy unaffectedness she was far from feeling, but still her voice shook. “Besides, it’s not as if Freddy deserves me to mourn him a day more than… Well, I think I’ve been punished long enough, and I’m sure nobody at Lady Garwood’s ball will be counting the months.”
“Oh, but they will, Katherine,” her mother countered, biting her lip and taking a seat beside Katherine. She patted her arm as if trying to work up the courage to tell her something. “Katherine, I know things have not been…easy for you these last years, but I truly believe that if you behave yourself with decorum, obey the rules and avoid scrutiny, all will be forgotten, and you’ll have a second chance at being happy.”
Katherine bristled. “It’s not my fault matters were misconstrued. I’m blameless, Mama, I told you!”
“I’m sure we both believe you, Katherine.” Antoinette tapped her fingertips on the mantelpiece. “But society is not so forgiving.”
Her mother, usually so carefree, looked imploring. “Please, Katheri
ne, I think it’s unwise for you to go out in public. And certainly not wearing a gown like that.”
Katherine took a deep breath and bit her lip to try and keep her anger under control. “Aunt Antoinette gets away with far worse than I’ve ever done.”
“Katherine!” Although her mother was quick to her sister’s defence, it was Antoinette who called for peace. “What Katherine says is perfectly true,” she said mildly. “But Katherine, I’m well protected being married to Quamby. The earl has weathered society’s opprobrium, and now that I’ve done my duty and provided him with an heir, I’m given greater licence than might otherwise be the case.”
“So, if I’d just given Freddy a son I’d be forgiven for taking a lover?” Katherine took a shuddering breath and squeezed her eyes shut, afraid the tears might spill. “I could be more reconciled to the impossible situation I find myself in if I truly were guilty of taking a lover.” She swallowed and dashed away a tear with the back of her hand. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but Lord Derry took advantage of my distress, and now everyone believes I was willingly in his arms only days after Freddy was in his grave. And suddenly word was all over town that Derry and I had been lovers on and off since my reckless elopement.”
Lady Fenton put her arm about Katherine’s shoulders, but Katherine was too agitated for such consoling. She knew she had the sympathy of both her aunt and her sister, but they were not society. And it was society that counted.
“Katherine, I believe you, and even if you were guilty as charged I’d forgive you, knowing Freddy as I did,” her mother said. “But please, promise you’ll do as we ask?”
“I’ll change my dress, if that’s what you mean,” Katherine muttered.
Aunt Antoinette threw up her hands. “Surely you can wait just a little longer! Why is tonight so special?”
That was something Katherine was not about to divulge. She’d worked hard to keep her feelings to herself when they’d told her—casually and as if it would be of little interest to her—that Jack had returned.
The fact he hadn’t seen her in three days was eating Katherine alive. Why had he not rushed, posthaste, to visit? Regardless of everything that had happened to each of them in the intervening seven years, they were bound to each other by more than just childhood friendship.
All Katherine could think about was Jack, and that she was free, and that, in all her seven years of hateful marriage, the only reason she’d never been tempted to stray from her husband was because…
Well, what was the point if she couldn’t have Jack?
So, dressed in drab mourning, no doubt completely washed out by the deadness of the colour which matched the way Katherine was used to feeling inside, she boldly attended Lady Garwood’s ball, alone, defying both her mother and aunt, and no doubt titillating society.
She didn’t care. What did anything matter these days?